So today I continued my practice of contentment. I attended Gaia Flow Yoga’s weekend warrior class. I felt particularly delighted today because two of my friends joined me in practice today. It was nice to share my love for my practice with others.
We continued our focus of contentment. My friend who came with me was tired from the strenuous 90 min, 97 degree workout. Yet she was thankful. She had been waiting for a job promotion. Just when they offer her the job and send in her paperwork, they decide to give the offer to someone who had already worked in that capacity (asst. principal). All week she was distraught and disappointed and confused. I had prayed for the past two weeks for that job to be hers. Yet we all know that things don’t always happen on our time, but on God’s time. Hearing the message in contentment today in our practice while sending her frustration and anxiety in her practice, she was at peace with the situation and in a better mind state once we were done. I am happy to share such a powerful experience with her that allowed her to free her mind of negativity in order to invite peace.
It didn’t hit me until I left her that I have been dealing with my own contentment issues. My job and life are going well (no complaints) I have been inviting the good and bad, easy and challenging, pain and comfort into my life an not allowing myself to stress (too bad). I really want to get back to acting but my job is very demanding and I am trying to step out on faith and fight my fears of rejection and low self efficacy. I am content where I am in life and I am content with the fact that it will take time for me to fulfill my dreams, but I won’t give up. I just need to start. God will guide me to that moment when he sees fit.
I also realized that this month marks three years from the date that my father passed away. On January 2 I usually observe the day, but this year I did not. It lingered in the back of my mind but I chose to move forward. From my father’s death, I have experienced depression, grief, passive aggressive anger and even physically hitting those who I love because of it. I cannot take back the things I have done or said as a reflection of my grief but I can has for forgiveness and learn to forgive myself. I am content with myself. I am content with the loss of my father and I am content with the idea of my life moving on. This will be a process but I am excited to see in what direction I will grow.
Yogi the Girl 