Anointed with oil.

Morning meditation: Lord, may your peace guard my heart and my mind. 

I had a wonderful weekend filled with love, fellowship, new perspectives and deep levels of understanding. 

I was able to be there for someone I truly love and care about in their time of need. 

To be strong for someone physically, emotionally and spiritually can take a toll on your mind and body. I wanted to be present and mindful but not lose myself in aspects of their pain, love  or care.

In my meditation I prayed for them but asked God to guard my heart and mind. I need to continue to put God first, and my well being at the forefront, in order to be a form of support for those I love. 

During my morning meditation I light candles and meditation incense while I execute my morning devotion. During prayer I rubbed my third eye (brow chakra) with oil. I meditated on having an open heart, mind and to gain clarity. I want to live with intent and gain insight so that I don’t immediately become consumed with things or those I love around me. 

I often lose myself in those that I love. They’re influence over me can be strong. Sometimes for the good and at times for the bad. 

I meditated with the intention of clarity, intuition and care for my heart and mind as I dealt with the people around me and loved ones. 

I used an oil called Resolute by Tameko Rowe for Cocoa Butter Mothers. 
It smells and feels divine. It was just what I needed during meditation and as a daily moisturizer. I add a few drops to my shea butter each morning. I feel beyond ready to execute my intentions for the day. 
http://www.cocoabuttermothers.com

Love, Loss and Forgiveness in a New Year

For many 2016 was a very very hard year.  I had hard moments.  The loss of my grandmother, financial instability and unrequited love.  However, I have been blessed beyond what I could imagine this year.  A new job, new friends and connections, creating and selling my artwork and books again.

With much success, there was much heartache.  With much heartache there were many blessings to follow.

I rang in the new year at home with my cousins.  I was very thankful for that.

This year has been a testimony on friendship and family.  Those that stay, those that leave.  The beautiful moments and the rocky ones.   I have been hurt and I have hurt others.  Many mistakes have been made. Assumptions have grown.  Emotions crossed many lines over time.

I have made beautiful connections yet those that I hoped would be a lifetime, have now fizzled as the seasons have changed.  I hold no animosity. I hold no jealousy nor anger. I send these acquaintances with much love and light to prosper in every relationship and endeavor that they may partake.

I am grateful for everyone person who has come into my life leaving a lasting impact.  I know that we cannot carry everyone with us on this yearly evolution of ourselves.  I pray that they leave me with things to consider and lessons to learn from.

The loss of my grandmother was a major event in our family.  Some have grown closer together and some have split further apart.  Our rock was rolled away and an empty space remains, that none of us are ready to fill just yet.

I hope that we can.  I hope that we can forgive one another and love one another as family and true friends should.

Jan. 2nd is the anniversary of my father’s passing.  It is a harsh reality of the finite life in which we live.  Even if lived with great love and abundance.  It leaves me no longer with grief or anger, but with the mission to learn how to grow and evolve from the lessons in which he has taught me.

I can’t guarantee a positive future for my family or friends. Things may grow or deplete.. who knows? I just hope that God blesses me with the tools to accept whatever love or negativity may come my way so that I can only answer with the language and actions of love in return.

 

Mindful Meditation: I have appreciation for myself, and all around me. 

 

Christmas Time Yoga

Christmas Mindful Meditation: I create harmony and love in all my relationships.

Christmas Track :

Christmas Asana:

Christmas Devotion :

Love and Harmony

Mindful Meditation :
I create harmony and love in all my relationships.

I have not felt so much holiday cheer in many years. Since the loss of my father, incarceration of my brother, divisions within my family and my overwhelming duties as mini family care-taker, I have not had much cheer. Well I hold just enough for my mother and niece and nephew (who I am currently not allowed to see thanks due to mother who is in a tumultuous relationship). I even refused to partake in Thanksgiving this year in hopes to run away from the awkwardness of the holidays. I did not want to pick anyone up, drop them off, go to the store, be somewhere at a certain time, dodge questions about my family, witness odd family arguments or attitudes. I needed time for me.

My stepmother never calls or visits me but expects me to run errands for her or come to her house at the drop of a dime. She never brings my little brother to visit, I must always make the effort.

I am living in a time for change for myself. I am reevaluating relationships, myself and what I want for me in the future. I have friend who I always drive out of town to visit and bring gifts for her children and even have loss sleep and gotten in a wreck over in order to make it to a family function or event for her. Sadly I never get that in return and when you don’t have a husband and kids, your argument never matters in comparison to theirs because “you don’t have a family” (even of your life and family carries just as much responsibility while still being a single person.) We have in recent years almost ended our friendship and like any relationship I usually come through as the wrong doer or villain. I tend to exhibit this label in all my friendships. I guess I care in the relationship more to sacrifice my character for the good of others.

I constantly step on eggshells for people in hopes that I don’t do anything that “messes up” the relationship. I often ask myself, why do I do these things? Why sacrifice my happiness more than others? How maintain my happiness and my friendships?

Then I woke up this morning and found somewhat of an answer.

No matter what, I will send them love and create harmony in my relationships, while keeping me first. I will not worry if they get mad if I can’t make it or say “no”. I have to put myself first. My life, whether I am single or married. For so long I have put others ahead of me but now it’s time for me. Not to make myself a victim. If they don’t care for the change, I still continue to send them love and harmony.

Thank you for listening to my reflection. Peace Blessings and Happy Holidays.

“I was non-denominational not an Athiest!” And other woes from my college years.

I was on the phone with a close friend when she revealed that in college she thought I didn’t believe in God. After hearing this I presumed she was merely joshing, but she reiterated that indeed she was not. I phoned another friend with this uncomfortable new information and she concurred that she too shared the same sentiments.

Then in the same respect they dismissed the conversation in jest as if it didn’t matter.

Interestingly enough I feel as though situations such as this are deemed as “the story of my life”. If I share presumptuous comments I am often scolded and condemned or made a fool. Forced to apologize to those whom I have offended, however such matters are never shown to me when shown great offense.

I wish my friends understood the journey that I had to embark on in order to find my way back to religion.

I live in Texas. The end. It’s self explanatory that I live in a society of small minds, prudence and hypocrisy. Those who had been deemed as born again Christians, to me, were poor representations of what I saw as “Christ-like”. Days and nights I prayed to God to lead me to something that exemplified my spirit. I read texts and studied thoroughly through the old and New Testament to become more familiar and open minded to the written word. The more I studied, the more I became disgusted and empty by what the real world offered me. Contradictions. Those who partied and drank on Saturday and played gospel on their way to church on Sunday to end those values by 12:30 pm benediction. Those who were baptized at an early age but stole from others, engaged in drugs and ill suited lifestyles. Yet they all shared one common thread…they were Christian.

The more I shared my anger to my friends, the more they disowned me, talked down to me and pushed me a way. Not that I did everything right or respected their life decisions entirely, but I always forgave and always apologized to others assuming that they knew my heart. Now I know some did not. Many a night I would cry to my brother, a devout Muslim, how I struggled with my search for religious complacency. Due to the fact that he followed his own path, he understood me well and spent many countless nights consoling my troubled mind.

I read and researched a multitude of religions and spiritual practices and it wasn’t until my studies in Buddhism, that I saw Christianity for what it truly is.

The way that the Buddhist monks spoke of Christ soothed my soul. They wrote of compassion and love that was beyond anything that I had seen or experienced in my own life. I yearned to experience such a spirit in a religion because I felt I had a strong connection to God and I love Christ and the idea and essence of him. In 2005 I gave my life to Christ wholeheartedly and was baptized. My friends were all there in support. I of course thought they were there with me understanding that I had chosen a religious denomination, not that I had moved from atheism to Christianity. Although, I still have to deal with people that can’t wrap their head around the fact that my boyfriend is Catholic and not Baptist and believe that Catholicism is non-Christian. So I am not surprised that my friends would define my non-denomination as atheism.

I say all this to say, should I be thankful to have friends that have accepted my evolutionary changes no matter what they have presumed them to be, or should I be insulted that they never knew my true heart all his time. What is a true friend, if they know not of your heart?

The 7 cardinal rules of life remind me to:

Make peace with my past.
What other people think of me is not my business.
Time heals almost everything.
Stop thinking to much.

Yet the yogi in me that is working through her anger problems admits that her friends opinions have hurt her. She can forgive in time but it has made her look at those around her in a new light.

Hi I am a Yogi and I….have anger problems!

Tis a hard revelation to admit to myself, that I have anger problems. This is nothing new for me to know. At some points I saw it as a powerful shield to protect me from those who I thought were out to hurt me, control me or challenge me in any way.

Growing up my house at times was a ticking time bomb of turmoil. My father and mother fought weekly and even sometimes daily. My brother erupted in anger in an instant when things didn’t go his way. He and I even physically fought when our parents weren’t around.

Now in my relationships I see these moments of anger control me more and more as I get older. I have slapped and cursed people. I have thrown and punched things. I have made passive aggressive comments and I have screamed at people. I have hurt people. I have tried to hurt myself. All of these actions have left me with nothing but guilt and embarrassment. Why do I react like this?

To answer this question, I have decided to embark on my own journey to manage my anger. My goal is to fight anger in order to find joy.

I started journaling about what makes me angry. Not surprising to me, that list took up an entire page. Afterwards I looked into my levels of anger, the benefits of my anger and the consequences that come with it. I read all of this to myself and even to my boyfriend. I prayed and my first task was to forgive myself. I needed to forgive myself for my negative thoughts and actions. I can’t redo and rewrite the past, but I can learn from these moments in order to grow and move on.

When I feel angry I journal and write down what made me angry, what actions I committed while angry, the thoughts and feelings I had while I was angry and what happened as a result of my anger. I felt stupid but I addressed it.

After journaling I set a goal and write down an affirmation to focus and meditate on.

One of my affirmations today was :
I radiate joy and love.

I meditated for 10 minutes for today. I worked to laugh more, ask questions for clarity before making assumptions and to breathe. Everyday I tell myself to inhale joy and exhale anger.

This not just a weekend fix done with yogi magic. I know this will take a life time to consciously and mindfully live by. I am willing to do this to live a happier life.

Clearing My mind Right On Time

My summer is officially over. I traveled, I worked out and spent time with family and friends. Now reality has set back in. I’m back at work teaching and giving my all.

That is why I usually hit rock bottom after a couple of weeks. I give my all. My mind, body and freedom is taken by work, workouts, family, organizations, hobbies, business and who knows what else.

I have always told myself to work and stay on top, because if I’m not on top I must be failing. In these last few weeks I’ve been going through a mental and physical change.

I am teaching myself to let go. Let go of trying to be the best, have it all, do it all, and attempting to be a glorified super woman.

I always hated that I was a loaner that no one knew. Now that I’ve had my moment in the sun, Im ready to relax in the shade. Far away.

Tonight I did a relaxation yoga. It was liberating. I wasn’t trying to be with people in a studio or master a difficult pose. I just wanted to breathe and relax. I was able to meditate for 10 minutes (minus the 5 seconds where my phone beeped to show me a low battery).

I feel happy. I feel. I want to work on reorganizing myself for the good. I feel as though many times in my life I have struggled to climb this mountain of junk and stress just to get to the top. I want to part with the junk and just handle each challenge as it comes with a clear mind.

Tonight’s Yoga Practice: (From Yoga Journal)

P. S. I attended bikram yoga for the first time in New York. I hated it. It felt wrong and it felt untrue to my body. I felt like I entered a strange alternate universe of yoga that breaks all of the rules. Lovely studio. Strict yoga teacher and even stricter practice to yoga.

We Found Love at Super Yoga Palace

On Saturday Morning I decided to indulge in an early morning practice as I begin my spring break vacation away from work. Good things have come my way such as clearing my credit, and even becoming Teacher of the Year at my job. I have been away from my practice for a few weeks and I couldn’t think of a better way to celebrate the many blessings I have received than by focusing on my practice and devotion.

I attended the 10:15 am Super Hy class at Super Yoga Palace led by yoga goddess Jessica Jordan. The studio was warm, comfortable and gives the aura of sitting on your couch talking with close friends when you visit the class. I had a blast. Jessica’s focus today was to invite love into your practice and into your life. With that love, find how good you are and dare to be great. We don’t realize that God wants us to be blessed. He wants us to be great. We can only be great if we focus on God, and his love. I usually get frustrated when I can’t complete a pose, this time I tried, I failed, I succeeded and I dared to be great. I was happy and I invited love and contentment in my practice.

At the end of our practice as I laid in shavasana (see picture), Jessica mentioned the quote, “When I am in a pose I lift my hand to the sky and reach higher. God reaches down and lifts me up just like in life.” I started to cry. I felt overcome with the spirit and I felt so light and free and happy. I felt God’s love.

REFLECTION: THE SUCCESS OF A PEOPLE THROUGH FAITH, HOPE AND LOVE.

Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase. 

We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.

Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into friend. 

— Martin Luther King Jr.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:13

REFLECTION

Today is a national holiday.  Though many may refute. We celebrate “a day on instead of a day off”.  Marking the selfless contributions of Martin Luther King. Jr.  during the Civil Rights Movement. On this same day, people gather together in the cold and beautiful city of DC to welcome the Inaugural second term of our president Barack Obama. It’s crazy how time flies? Seeing movies such as Django and Lincoln create an awakening of, “wow look at life then” and ” look at us now”.  African Americans have come a might long way. Resting on these three things: faith, hope and love.  For many, the very thought of seeing Barack Obama being sworn into presidency is unbelievable.  No matter our shortcomings as people, there will always be a sense of hope in whatever we partake in. Perhaps that is why Obama branded his campaign with HOPE.  Having faith that God will stop the injustices and silence the wrongs of the world. Hope
that a “change will come”. As well as an unconditional love for our fellow man no matter their short comings. The greatest of these being love.  There can be no change if there is no love.  In my practice I dedicate it to those who may be going through or expecting new blessings on the way.  I try to take the focus from myself and invite love, share love.  The legacy of Martin and those gallant and heroic individuals that came before us, is filled with no greater message, than the message of love.  I am thankful to live in these times of hardship, troubles, success, growth, downfalls, disaster, distress, beauty and miraculous ideas. I say this because I know that through it all, I was able to survive through God‘s love.  Namaste.

 

The Content Warrior (Contentment Series)

So today I continued my practice of contentment. I attended Gaia Flow Yoga’s weekend warrior class. I felt particularly delighted today because two of my friends joined me in practice today. It was nice to share my love for my practice with others.

We continued our focus of contentment. My friend who came with me was tired from the strenuous 90 min, 97 degree workout. Yet she was thankful. She had been waiting for a job promotion. Just when they offer her the job and send in her paperwork, they decide to give the offer to someone who had already worked in that capacity (asst. principal). All week she was distraught and disappointed and confused. I had prayed for the past two weeks for that job to be hers. Yet we all know that things don’t always happen on our time, but on God’s time. Hearing the message in contentment today in our practice while sending her frustration and anxiety in her practice, she was at peace with the situation and in a better mind state once we were done. I am happy to share such a powerful experience with her that allowed her to free her mind of negativity in order to invite peace.

It didn’t hit me until I left her that I have been dealing with my own contentment issues. My job and life are going well (no complaints) I have been inviting the good and bad, easy and challenging, pain and comfort into my life an not allowing myself to stress (too bad). I really want to get back to acting but my job is very demanding and I am trying to step out on faith and fight my fears of rejection and low self efficacy. I am content where I am in life and I am content with the fact that it will take time for me to fulfill my dreams, but I won’t give up. I just need to start. God will guide me to that moment when he sees fit.

I also realized that this month marks three years from the date that my father passed away. On January 2 I usually observe the day, but this year I did not. It lingered in the back of my mind but I chose to move forward. From my father’s death, I have experienced depression, grief, passive aggressive anger and even physically hitting those who I love because of it. I cannot take back the things I have done or said as a reflection of my grief but I can has for forgiveness and learn to forgive myself. I am content with myself. I am content with the loss of my father and I am content with the idea of my life moving on. This will be a process but I am excited to see in what direction I will grow.